15 7 / 2014
i really really really hope my next ex isn’t an ex but a friend.
3 exes is 3 too many, and defining a relationship by what it isn’t makes me sad. so, i am going to ask and manifest no more relationships to come into my life while i’m going through intense transitions, and for beautiful relationships to come and support me in periods of strength and consistency :)
02 7 / 2014
you can never go back.
to any where, any when, any one.
mourn the past —
bawl your eyes out,
if it was so beautiful,
but use all your strength
and all your hope,
and what faith this harsh world has let you muster,
to keep from faulting the present
for being differently beautiful.
don’t wait for tomorrow’s hindsight
of today’s joys;
be here, now…
cry every fucking time you need to;
smile every time it feels;
and let nothing hold back your uproarious laughter.
27 6 / 2014
so now it’s the new moon i can’t sleep during — the only constant really is change <3
23 6 / 2014
"relying on capitalist science to ‘prove’ something — especially about food or heath — is about as asinine as relying on facebook to make relationships ‘official’"
14 6 / 2014
is the biggest, most profound follow-through i have ever had in my material life, and as much as my weak-self might keep trying to get in the way and slow me down, i have so much to love and be grateful for.
i am blessed, joyful, hopeful, uncertain, open, loving, patient, excited. sometimes i get in the way of myself and settle for numbness, and that’s okay, too. after all, it’s the darkness the stars shine against, the void out of which all is birthed. these moments of numbness are just waves of bigger movings and feelings :)
15 4 / 2014
"i break the law because i’ve never broken a heart, and i want to know what it feels like to be the brick not the window pane"
08 4 / 2014
somewhere between the vague and the specific, there are some beautiful things in the buddings of unfolding…
05 4 / 2014
i sit alone in my living room,
the day after that magical gathering on that magical island,
searching for something non-existent on Facebook after loved ones have left,
and it’s the worst place i could be;
it is nowhere.
when we’re with people,
really, deeply, with them,
we’re not with only them,
we are with everything —
music, stars, wind, water, sunrise, blades of glass, indifferent alpacas…
there’s this pervasive thread in our social consciousness,
that co-dependence is so dangerous that we ought to stop trying
to rediscover our interdependence with everything;
but that thread is weak
like the american dream.
we can only be present or elsewhere,
we can assert this beautiful connection with all,
or else live a false life without breath or being or humanity;
we must act, but we can never try.
i kissed a man last night for the first time,
i asked first;
it was important and unremarkable,
like sinking your feet into solid earth to regain your bearings in a new land.
once we’ve tasted such divine connection,
we try everything to hold on, to make it last,
to force it to permeate our concrete jungles and billboard economies,
everything that will never work,
because we are still trying.
even this connection we believe exists elsewhere,
well tell stories about it
and the magical lands and peoples it resides with;
but we can sit mindfully and thoughtlessly at any time of any day,
we can de-fiction those stories into each waking breath and act.
the power of manifestation is not ineffable;
with the intention of each act
we can choose to become more like a person who will live out our dreams;
the deed and doer are co-arising,
just the same as matter and spirit.
we do not need stories to live lives of magic,
our imagination lives and breathes right here,
this very moment;
hold it dear and close and without attachment,
and feel how inseparable from your life it will become
when you let go of trying to hold on.